Ryan Austin Ciarlatano
Ryan Austin Ciarlatano was introduced to the world he now
practically runs on the 4th of July on the North Shore of Long Island. Contrary to popular belief, Ryan
Ciarlatano was not born with a silver spoon in his mouth…it was 18K solid
gold. Developing a taste for the
finer things in life at an early age, Ryan knew education and a good job were
necessary for him to maintain the lifestyle he grew accustomed to enjoying. That being said, Ryan was sent away to
a private secondary school in New England at the tender age of ten. He graduated two years early and enrolled in an Ivy (the name
of which he will not reveal because of humility).
Along the way, Ryan has been honored with multiple awards and plaudits for his business acumen, impeccable character and unsullied record, fighting unflaggingly for a cure for TMJ, and the list goes on and on. He can now add his feature debut in the critically acclaimed web series “Mis-Directed” to his credentials.
What is far more integral in understanding the Gold Coast legend and local celebrity are the skills and behavior which he taps into from time to time, to which not many individuals (including his coterie of trusted friends and confidantes) are privy. Ryan conducts social experiments to forge a connection with “the other half.” In this vein, he is fond of the following: stealing candy from babies, taking public transportation to the nearest check cashing store as an act of solidarity, storing Guatemalan refugees in his basement, renting a trailer and sitting outside of it in a Lay-Z-Boy with a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon in one hand and a copy of NASCAR Illustrated in the other (all done on the lawn of his mini-estate, while the neighbors in the development look on in horror), and working up the nerve to enter a Walmart.
Ryan is writing an upcoming self-help book for men who lack style and culture, entitled The Art of the Hipster-Prep: How to Look Money Anywhere…From the Techno Club to the Country Club.
Ryan may be reached through his manager’s attorney’s accountant’s brother-in-law’s parole officer, whose number is currently unlisted.
Along the way, Ryan has been honored with multiple awards and plaudits for his business acumen, impeccable character and unsullied record, fighting unflaggingly for a cure for TMJ, and the list goes on and on. He can now add his feature debut in the critically acclaimed web series “Mis-Directed” to his credentials.
What is far more integral in understanding the Gold Coast legend and local celebrity are the skills and behavior which he taps into from time to time, to which not many individuals (including his coterie of trusted friends and confidantes) are privy. Ryan conducts social experiments to forge a connection with “the other half.” In this vein, he is fond of the following: stealing candy from babies, taking public transportation to the nearest check cashing store as an act of solidarity, storing Guatemalan refugees in his basement, renting a trailer and sitting outside of it in a Lay-Z-Boy with a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon in one hand and a copy of NASCAR Illustrated in the other (all done on the lawn of his mini-estate, while the neighbors in the development look on in horror), and working up the nerve to enter a Walmart.
Ryan is writing an upcoming self-help book for men who lack style and culture, entitled The Art of the Hipster-Prep: How to Look Money Anywhere…From the Techno Club to the Country Club.
Ryan may be reached through his manager’s attorney’s accountant’s brother-in-law’s parole officer, whose number is currently unlisted.
Julianna Marie Ciarlatano
Julianna
Marie Ciarlatano was thrust into high society on July 4, 19XX to a loving family. They supported her predilection for
theatrics early on and always nutured her creativity. Julianna seamlessly went through the motions of a Catholic all-girls
high school, university, and nepotism in the workplace.
Julianna means “creature of goodness” in Wingdings. She first embodied the denotation of her name when she contributed charitably to the small, emerging planet of Venezuela. Julianna and her grandfather, an Italian-American entrepreneur who is not associated with the Mafia, wanted to stimulate their economy by supplying Venezuelans with the proper cropping apparati for organic baby corn farms. Grandfather Ciarlatano had Julianna oversee all operations. Unfortunately, she was unaware that the Venezuelan drug lords had altered the baby corn to produce baby corn opium kernels. In turn, the entire town went mad because they were all high (and not “on life,” because their lives were abysmal). It was an utter disaster and a very trying time for Julianna’s psychiatric transformationality ***brain dictionary word of the day***. Julianna unknowingly facilitated the production of organic baby corn drug, commonly referred to as “cracked corn-cane.” While tripping out on corn una noche, she encountered a peasant girl from the lost civilization of Venezuela, and she sang to Julianna in her native tongue while braiding her hair. Through her song, Julianna realized that she was trying to send her a message to pursue her dreams. This experience reignited her thirst for the arts.
Fast forward to 2011...Julianna is embracing her artsy-fartsiness and relishing her starring lead female role in the breakout web series “Mis-Directed.”
Julianna also wants it to be known that she is currently looking into singular parental adoption and would like to adopt a child from every planet. She believes that at this critical stage in her life, in the midst of her contemplation of modeling jeggings, it is imperative to keep her tortellini tight. So, needless to say, birthing multiple new humans naturally is out of the question. Since she is fortunate enough to buy new human life forms, she plans on spending the bulk of her wealth on babies. Julianna intends on turning her children all into actors and opening up a large family-run theatre production company.
Julianna frequents the Pilgrim State Psychiatric Center on Long Island, where she can be observed dialing an imaginary rotary phone. She swears that this is a “performance art piece.” According to Julianna, “My life is art.”
Julianna means “creature of goodness” in Wingdings. She first embodied the denotation of her name when she contributed charitably to the small, emerging planet of Venezuela. Julianna and her grandfather, an Italian-American entrepreneur who is not associated with the Mafia, wanted to stimulate their economy by supplying Venezuelans with the proper cropping apparati for organic baby corn farms. Grandfather Ciarlatano had Julianna oversee all operations. Unfortunately, she was unaware that the Venezuelan drug lords had altered the baby corn to produce baby corn opium kernels. In turn, the entire town went mad because they were all high (and not “on life,” because their lives were abysmal). It was an utter disaster and a very trying time for Julianna’s psychiatric transformationality ***brain dictionary word of the day***. Julianna unknowingly facilitated the production of organic baby corn drug, commonly referred to as “cracked corn-cane.” While tripping out on corn una noche, she encountered a peasant girl from the lost civilization of Venezuela, and she sang to Julianna in her native tongue while braiding her hair. Through her song, Julianna realized that she was trying to send her a message to pursue her dreams. This experience reignited her thirst for the arts.
Fast forward to 2011...Julianna is embracing her artsy-fartsiness and relishing her starring lead female role in the breakout web series “Mis-Directed.”
Julianna also wants it to be known that she is currently looking into singular parental adoption and would like to adopt a child from every planet. She believes that at this critical stage in her life, in the midst of her contemplation of modeling jeggings, it is imperative to keep her tortellini tight. So, needless to say, birthing multiple new humans naturally is out of the question. Since she is fortunate enough to buy new human life forms, she plans on spending the bulk of her wealth on babies. Julianna intends on turning her children all into actors and opening up a large family-run theatre production company.
Julianna frequents the Pilgrim State Psychiatric Center on Long Island, where she can be observed dialing an imaginary rotary phone. She swears that this is a “performance art piece.” According to Julianna, “My life is art.”
